7.8.11

Well... tomorrow, July 8th, is the 2-year anniversary since my Kimi went to heaven. I cant believe I haven't spoke with my mama in two years... there was a time that going two hours without speaking with her was difficult. I still of course feel her presence and know she is near. But, losing her is still the deepest pain i know. And, there are days that pain comes rolling in like a freight train. She was the most love i have ever experienced. And, I am so grateful to have had such a wonderful mother who loved me so.

There is so much i loved about my mom... She was so humble, lovable, sweet and childlike! 

Here is one of my favorite stories about my mom:

Before Caleb and I moved down to Arizona the family had a party to say goodbye to us... It was a very special night i remember. I was very excited to be married to Caleb and to move to Arizona and start a family with him. Kimi was excited for me too, but with some sad undertones.  That night Kimi was trying to figure out how I was going to get the China I was inheriting down to Arizona. It was from my dad's mother, and my mom had been holding it for me until I had my own place. It's really beautiful China too... I think i would choose that China even if i had 100s to choose from. That night after we had figured out how we were going to get the China to Arizona, Caleb overheard Kimi telling a family member that the china set wasn't a complete set. Kimi said she had spent the past ten years searching for missing pieces on ebay so that i could have the complete set.  She never told ME that. I still think about that story. It was so her... doing the most thoughtful thing and taking absolutely no credit for it. Now, everytime I use the China I think of two of the most uniquely, lovable women I ever knew.

I love stories like this. Please help me collect kimi stories... I still plan to take all my blog posts from CaringBridge.org and create a book. I'd also cherish any stories that you want to send my way! :) you can send them to my email, hil.j.anderson@gmail.com. I would love to be able to read stories about her, and to share with my kids (hopefully) so they too can know her.

Please take a moment and thank God for the time we all got with Kimi. Then thank Him for your own mama...and for others that are close to you. We are blessed!

Change is in the air

Lots to report.... Lets start with post surgery trip to Arizona. It was super fun to see family and relax in the sun. It's crazy how fast our nieces and nephews are growing up!! :(  At least they still think I'm cool (i think). Caleb and I stayed at a lovely timeshare that our friend let us use! It was awesome. Caleb and I had the opportunity to visit with another infertility specialist while we were down there. He assured us that we were on the right path and that Seattle Reproductive was doing a great job. He did also inform us that there is most likely something not functioning properly with my tubes and highly recommended that we consider beginning the invitro process. It was sort of a bittersweet meeting for us. We then took a short trip to Orange County to visit some of Caleb's friends on our way home. We got to stay with the Mattsons in their lovely home, got a fabulous tour of the OC with our friend Mark Kurian, and met the awesome Timmons family! It was a whirlwind and a fun-filled 24 hours for sure. (Looking forward to being with more of Caleb OC's friends next visit :)

We got home, and I went right to work... Which had some surprises in store for me as well. Our General Manager of 14 years resigned. She has been like a mother to me. She has done countless thoughtful things for my family. She has helped me heal the loss of my real mama, always making time to dry up my tears or watch my serving section. She has laughed and cried with me. While she is happy with her new life direction, it has left a little hole in my heart... and the tides' heart as well!

Caleb, too, has ended his season of serving the YMCA - at least in this capacity. Tomorrow will be his last day. He has been so blessed to work with such amazing people. He plans to continue to consult and create content for Y's around the country. His Chewables books and the Y book (culture book for staff) were significant contributions. Caleb is also launching his own business, more "full-time." He writes, speaks, coaches... and is generally inspiring to everyone who gets time with him :) You'll be hearing more about that stuff from him, I'm sure.

With this time of transition we have been in communication with our bank to try and lower our mortgage so we can afford to stay here, or move and rent out our place if we so choose. We have been playing with the thought of moving to Orange County as Caleb has 20 years of connections/friends down there. And the OC has this little thing called the sun, ever heard of it?

Either way, be it Orange County or somewhere around gig harbor a downsize is most likely in the works. Which makes me sad for two reasons. 1. I LOVE this house I made a home. 2. I will have to go through my mothers things and downsize that as well. :( While my house and things in it are just that "things" its still sad to part with both. But, heck... I can't take them with me to Heaven, might as well get used to "letting go" now.

I went this morning to a follow up surgery appointment with Dr. Gurcheff at SRM. She told me that after reviewing with the other Doctors that what they thought was a hydrosalpinx was actually an inflamed vein. She did agree with the specialist in Arizona that it would be in our best interest to begin the invitro process. We have avoided the thought of invirto as it is SO expensive. We will be praying that if that is the road we choose that God will provide a way for us :) No time line yet, but we'll keep you in the loop!

Thanks for reading and caring!!

Praise Report

Yesterday was a long day...... Caleb, his mom Gina and I got to the hospital at 8am and began getting ready for the surgery. Caleb and I headed back to the pre-op room. Our nurse in the morning was Jaime and she was very sweet, she asked me lots of questions. Then nurse Silvia got my IV started she hummed the whole time. While my IV was getting started, Jaime said "it sure is nice of your mom to come up" (referring to me). Caleb said, "actually that's my mom." (Huge compliment cause my mother-in-law is gorgeous.) I told the ladies that my mama was in heaven and that Gina was sweet enough to come up and take care of me. That was the only time I cried all day :) I liked my pre-op nurses.

Then I met my anesthesiologist. He was very nice too, but I couldn't pronounce his name. Shortly after meeting him I met the OR nurses who walked me down to the operating room. I said goodbye to Caleb. I barely had a second to say goodbye to those nurses before the sneaky anesthesiologist gave me the meds... and I was OUT.

After two hours of surgery, I woke up feeling rather nauseous. It took me a while to get dressed and out the door. Caleb and Gina informed me that I had both fallopian tubes still, which didn't make any sense to me. Later, when I was feeling better they explained to me that the Dr saw no trace of a hydrosalpinx on my left tube, or anywhere. She did see some endometriosis on my uterus that she burned off (probably would not have caused two years of infertility). She wanted me to call her later to chat because I wasn't quite awake at the hospital. She explained that both tubes were completely open and that everything looked great. She was rather confused as to how this could have happened. We have seen the hydrosalpinx in multiple other ultrasounds, and the left tube was blocked during the hsg test. She asked if she could bring up my case to her other colleagues to discuss what is going on. I told her that God probably healed me, and to tell the other doctors that that was probably what happened.

I've just been resting and drinking lots of fluids. So grateful for all the prayers. They work :)

all my love
hilary

surgery tomorrow

PRAYERS welcome. My sweet mother in law Gina is flying up to help take care of me while I'm down and out. I go in tomorrow at 8am and surgery is scheduled for 10am. We are planning on removing the left tube with the hydro on it. Its most likely been the reason we have not been getting pregnant. The right tube has never shown a hydro on it and the hsg test showed a clear right tube. SO we are praying that is still the case. If, when I'm in surgery and the Dr. sees that the right tube is diseased she will converse with Caleb about a solution. If the right tube has a hydro on it, we will most likely remove it... Meaning I'd be tubeless. :( no natural pregnancies for me. I'd really love to get pregnant the normal way. But I guess I can get over it, If that is indeed the case. I have been fortunate enough to speak with 3 different obgyns while they were at the Tides. They all agreed that the tube(s) needed to go. One of the Doctors asked if he could pray for me. So, his buddy and him prayed for me on the busy deck of the tides. It was precious and AWESOME!

We have been loving this weather. Emma has been waiting to go outside and play all winter long. AND, it seems like some strange neighbor kitty has been waiting for her too. I think he wants to make kittens with emma, she is NOT having it! She hasn't gone out much. :/

More to come!

LOVE LOVE
hilly

GOOD NEWS

I passed my Basi written final exam. I was anxious to take it as I hadn't studied as much as I would have liked to. The past two weeks were crazy with mothers day, my birthday, my girlfriend shavon's birthday, a wedding and some not so fun news from the doctor I had my mind full. It is such a relief to have the test done and over with so now I can spend more time focusing on the exercises and observation (and my house cleaning).

So, as you could imagine Mothers Day was NOT my favorite day. I don't have my mama here to celebrate and I haven't been able to BE a mama. I wish so badly I could have had one of the mothers days back with my mom, I would have done something spectacular for her to show her how special she was. But, we can't go back in time... we can only learn from the past. It's a good reminder to be grateful for all those around us. I was so in awe of my gma, she has a couple years of experience on me... but, she managed to keep a smile on her face all mothers day long. I hope I can grow up to be more and more like her. :) Positive Pat!

I'm sure you are all wondering where we are at with our infertility treatments. We have had one more failed iui that we kept a secret because it was so sad to tell people that it didn't work the first time. We had an appointment last week with the Dr. to re-group and get a new game plan. She informed us that the left tube is damaged and recommended that we remove the tube completely.  As far as we know (ultrasound & dye test) the left tube is the tube that is affected and the right tube remains open. We will find out when we go in for surgery on June 6th to remove it. We are a little (me) nervous for the surgery. I have came a LONG way with getting poked by needles and what not so... I should be fine

Tomorrow we celebrate my sweet husbands 32nd birthday. I'm so grateful to have him by my side. In honor of Caleb here are 32 things I LOVE about him. (no particular order)

32. He makes the best eggs on toast.
31. He has great fashion sense
30. He likes to get scared by me (or he tolerates my pranks)
29. He loves movies.
28. He loves the EMMA cat now a days
27. He is supportive and sweet.
26. He leads us in prayer at night and makes sure we are connected to God.
25. He is the most talented speaker I know.
24. He writes the sweetest cards to me.
23. He can sweet talk anyone (comes in handy when we are in a bind!)
22. He is a constant learner.
21. He likes to play volleyball
20. He He always has time to listen to others peoples problems and offers support.
19. He is freaking HANDSOME.
18. He is a silly goose
17. He appreciates everything I cook for him, even if it is just warmed up left-overs!
16. He is sensitive to his surroundings.
15. He helps me get the heavy comforter over my shoulders at night.
14. He wakes up happy.
13. He helps me study.
12. He is a fantastic writer.
11. He loves chips and salsa and margaritas
10. He loves to giggle and make me giggle.
9. He holds my hand and makes sure I know I'm loved.
8. He moved to Washington to help me take care of my mom.
7. He knows everyone who works at Masa by name and their life story.
6. He wears his smile and fancy designer jeans everywhere he goes.
5. He has learned how to be a good friend to people... so everyone loves him.
4. He is leads by example.. I learn from him daily.
3. He makes me want to be a better person.
2. He is my bestest friend
1. I just love him. love love love him.

the end.

Happy Easter!!!

Happy Easter everyone!

We have had such a busy couple of months over here in the Anderson home! I began my Basi Pilates Comprehensive training in March and it has been a whirlwind ever since. I am already certified in that Mat portion of the course, so that is a review for me. (thank goodness!) But I'm learning all of the equipment now which is so fun, but also a lot of work!  Along with the training I have to get in 200 hours of observation, 200 hours of teaching, and 200 practical hours... So, while I'm not at the tides... you can find me at the studio! At the end of the course we have a written exam, 10 page paper... AND dum da da dummmmm..... I get to fly down and test out in front of Rael Isacowitz, founder of Basi Pilates. I'm only slightly intimidated! Either way I'm loving the course and all the time I get to dedicate to pilates in this season of life. If you are interested in trying out Pilates let me know... Right now I'm an intern at the Pilates Body and a private with me is only 20$, such a great deal!

Caleb helped me pull weeds and plant flowers yesterday and the day before.. What wonderful weather we had, I worked outside until it got too dark. We planted carrots, corn, melons, sunflowers, bachelor buttons, sweet peas, hydrangeas, johnny jump ups, snapdragons. All my favorites! I sure hope they grow. Emma wasn't much help, but she did come out and roll around in the sun... Pretty cute. She wont go outside if it isn't warm enough for her (such a kitty princess!)

No huge Easter plans this year. We went to church this morning and are hoping to see my brother this afternoon. Gma pat had knee surgery this past week, so she will be laying low.

In Church this morning they talked about the third day... When Jesus rose from the dead and offered us hope in the midst of trial. So even when our world seems depressing and awful, remember there is always a third day! I'm so grateful for the third-day!

I hope you have a wonderful Easter...
Hilly

Acupuncture

OH BOY! I loved my acupuncture meeting! I went to acupuncture northwest in downtown tacoma. They specialize in infertility... The girls sat with me before the needles to ask me lots of thoughtful questions about my medical history. Then I just laid down on a table (like a massage table) and she began inserting the needles in my back...Crazy thing is it did NOT hurt, but my back decided to spasm every time she came near me with a needle. I couldn't get my back to just be still. It was the strangest thing. She said she has seen people react like that before, so i guess i don't feel too bad. then she left the room while i took a nice little nap under the heat lamp.  AND that was it! It was like a spa treatment really!  They gave me some light reading to learn about chinese medicine and fertility. (just 350 pages, no biggie) They also gave me a list of foods to eat and foods to stay away from. Mainly she told me to cut out my coffee habit (WHAT???) I'm not too surprised, just bummed! I just love the taste of coffee (and lets face it milk) she said it wasnt just the caffeine in the coffee but the coffee bean itself, so that means no decaf either.

IF anyone has ever been interested in acupuncture, but nervous about it... GIVE IT A GO! I loved my experience.